I would describe myself as:
A warm hello to all ye lovely girls! It's impossible to truly describe yourself in just a few choice words. So if you've a zesty sense of humour & aren't queasy over thoughts of being peppered with a juicy well done rant, sure relax with your favourite glass of Merlot while judging if my spiel makes for more compelling reading than a drab Bridget Jones diary! I'll probably never make the Christmas card list of the seriously dreary paranoid types who always shoot from the hip & get their frilly knickers in a right twist over anything anyone ever says. They'd bestow upon themselves the poisoned victim role & wrongly tag me as a misogynist if I even dared to mock the antics of a TINY FEW that doesn't even imply them! Any shrewd discerning lady who wishes to get to know me will see that I admire & value the subtle traits that epitomises a really marvellous woman in my eyes.
I suppose I am a normal intuitive, perceptive guy with an uncanny sense of humour. I've been known to dramatically make mountains out of a mohill with my quips and in winding others up but it's all in jest and a good natured way as I'm not in any way a vindictive person. If you can see beyond the bit of jovial skitting and joking and you may realise that deep down I'm actually a very kind considerate genuine man.
I'm not one of the sheepish copycats who say the lethargic clichéd "I'm a glass half full type person"- I see it rather as waiting to be topped up! Why settle for mediocrity? Suffice to say, I admire and appreciate confident people who can just be themselves without being false or shallow. But conversely too, I dislike those pompous la-di-da high almighty types who love the sound of their own uppity voice and are totally stuck up their own ÄRS€š if you excuse my woeful French! I do know what I like in women -> and if you were thinking there it was "*****" then really it goes without saying that it is you who has a one track mind as I was going to say 'charm'! Don't fret however as you can allow yourself the comfort of knowing you won't be publicly ostracised for harboring normal human feelings after all!
My ideal partner would be:
Probably would be a sassy adventurous type who exudes that confident spirit and a lovely outgoing personality to match. It certainly wouldn't be a serious dreary wishy-washy type but someone who can simply be themselves without needing to crave attention unlike the lycra panted contrived synchronised swishy bum wiggling power walking types in the brightest fluorescent tops who ironically only ever seem to appear on the busiest roads at rush hour traffic done up to the hilt in make up, perfect designer bob haircuts and complimentary streaky fake tan just to accumulate as many honks of the horn from all the salivitating white van driver men passing by! It's not like they are enthusiastically always out regardless of the weather say in the lashing rain or time of year when it gets dark early in Winter before the real busy rush hour as they wouldn't be noticed then! A woman with a great sense of humour who can give me a taste of my own sarcasm when needs be and who can savor the simpler chilled out things as well as enjoying letting her hair down and getting her hands dirty or her feet wet from time to time might just be in the same ballpark or singing off the same hymn sheet as me so to speak even if my singing is goddamn awful !
I'd love it if more women could talk more candidly about their 'real' interests. Believe it or not, but some guys are actually interested in knowing about them! However, there's a farcical number of pouting girls profiles that must be carbon copied from some VIP magazine of 'things I could mention to look cool list'. Many make wild audacious claims to be the finest fitness gurus doing all the latest spinning, zumba, pilates, kettle bells, antigravity yoga & any other fancy sounding activity like aqua aerobics you can rattle of the tongue 6 NIGHTS A WEEK to try and publicly portray they're living almost a utopia existence! One must marvel at the amazing time juggling skills of our wonderful aspiring 'Team Ireland Olympians' to be able to manage the onerous task of dining in all the latest snazzy Michelin star restaurants 5 NIGHTS A WEEK too. Do spare a heartfelt thought for the sacrifices these drama divas make to their 'busy' lives & the trauma of being discommoded from the comfort of their bi-weekly shopping, brunch & pedicure in the Dundrum town centre in order to contemplate possibly meeting a 'hot date'! By a sheer unique random coincidence -they all of course just happen to love drooling at Paolo Nutini or cavorting their stuff around Tom Baxter in concert! And don't forget to mention that even within the hectic schedules that their fabulous pristine OMG jobs demand, the poor angels only manage to squeeze in 3.5 ski trips a year << Oh God love them>> -just to spruce up the persona of living a champagne lifestyle that bit more!
Many of the pretentious types out there would probably claim they can make an Aran sweater too-not surprising really given the amount of yarns they can spin! Some must think there's an endless amount of Dan Carters, Brad Pitts, Mr Thors or 50 shades of boring wussy Mr Greys that will suddenly swoop down from cloud unicorn manland on a big white horse and gallop away with them into the sunset like in an Enid Blyton childhood fairytale? What sort of a poncy bloke is Mr Grey that has to resort to using windy soft leather or rabbit fur tips to tryand impress a woman. A real guy surely would be spontaneous enough to be able to use his own 'equipment' to stimulate a woman's interest???
Hopefully there's many normal dynamic women out there not inhibited by delusions of grandeur who want to give real salt of the earth guys a fair crack of the whip to prove they're real solid man material ?
My ideal date would be:
FIRST DATE: - Meet for a beer, wine or whiskey tasting tour and if we don't bore each other to death pulling each others hairs out with cringeworthy small talk we can make further plans for a Friday night..
SECOND DATE: - (What are the chances of getting this far lol??) Meet again as agreed on a Friday night and hatch a very adventurous ingenious typical Irish like plan to sit in and plonk ourselves down together in front of the gogglebox to watch that scrawny little size 4 weasel host patronising the nation as usual on the Late Late Show and share some really sumptuous gourmet buttered ham & cheese sambos and luxury King crisps and make umpteen pots of tea on the ad breaks.. If we get sick of watching Tubs, we can change channel and really pretend to be laughing together watching nauseating wannabe celebs (some with very questionable brain cell counts.!!) frollicking in the mud and eating slugs in a supposed jungle on that awful contrived I'm a Celebrity tripe. We can get lost in the occasion that it is of us being together and really (in our blissful ignorance) start to believe that this makes for perfect entertaining television viewing for a first proper date night..! And if we are feeling really really romantic, we can crack open the special reserve plastic bottle of Finches Orange and make a start on the box of Quality Street and argue over who gets the nicest Purple wrapper sweets??
THIRD DATE: - Really push the boat out by thinking of a novel imaginative restaurant to try for dinner and after lots of head scratching for ideas we finally decide to go to McDonalds to sample the culinary delights that await in a 'Happy Meal' dinner !! Exciting stuff...hey..??