A break-up can be a painful experience, and getting over a relationship always takes time; that's a perfectly natural part of the process. The period after a break-up is a time to come to terms with your loss, so that you can move on to a brighter day. And part of that brighter day will involve dating again.

---

One important thing to remember is that the best way to learn from your old relationship is to try and achieve some emotional distance. So spend some time contemplating your past experience, as coming to terms with it will help you move on to an even better, happier relationship in the future. Consider questions such as:

• Where were the main issues that lead to your break-up?
  
• Were the problems rooted in communication, sex, finances, personal connections or fun? Or something else entirely?
  
• What could you have done better?
  
• Did you make some compromises that, in hindsight, were ill-advised?
  
• What have you learned from the relationship?
  
• What are you going to do in the future to give your next relationship? 

Answering these questions can bring a lot of issues to the front of your mind — some of which you may not have considered in the past. Try to answer them honestly and thoughtfully, and they should help you to understand more clearly the reasons that the relationship didn't work.


When you feel ready to return to the world of dating after a break-up, keep these guidelines in mind to get you on the right track, and to help you stay in the right mindset.

1: Start Living in the Present.  
This means consciously developing an awareness of what is going on around you and what you need to do to put yourself back together again. Rather than spending your days your days wallowing in miserable thoughts like, "What if I die alone?" or, "Every day I have lived so far is a lie,"  get yourself off the couch, ring a friend and make some plans. It doesn't matter what you decide to do — it just has to be something that will get you involved in something other than sadness. Your plans could be as big as decorating the house, or as small as doing the dishes. Just get yourself up and moving every day, basically.

2: Axe the Killer cConversations. 
Don’t get involved in man- or woman-hating conversations. You know the kind I'm talking about; "Men are all pigs!" or "Women have no hearts!" These conversations will only lead to you feeling worse, and can also build up a lot of negative or even aggressive energy — which isn't good for your physically or emotionally. Remember that when breaking up with someone, you will go through many different stages, and your emotions play a big part in these. Emotions — even the ones which don't feel so great — are good for us. They tell us if something isn't quite right, and give us warning signals when change is on the way. But it's important to keep a rational grip on your feelings at the same time. It's fine to let your emotions out, but try not to let them rule your life for too long.

3: Be Kind to Yourself.
When moving on with your life and thinking about getting back into the dating game, take it easy. Make small attempts, and take baby steps at first. Don’t try to run before you can walk. Plan nice evenings out with your friends — maybe go to the cinema, then get some drinks and dinner. Whatever feels good for you. Give yourself a mini-makeover before you go out, too, if you think that might help you to feel better. And since you can't be going on social outings all of the time, you might consider taking up a new hobby. You've probably got some extra time on your hands now, and maybe you aren't sure how to fill it, so building a new skill — or developing one you already have — is a really productive way to get yourself into a new routine. But no matter what you decide to do, do it because you want to and it feels good. A bit of self-love and kindness goes a long way towards the healing process, so don't fling yourself back into the dating world until you're read.

---

If you've recently joined www.anotherfriend.com but still feel like you haven't quite recovered from your past relationship, don't worry. It's fine. There are plenty of other people in your position feeling the very same way. My advice to you would be to keep your dates and chats casual, lighthearted, and friendly for the time being — don't ever feel pressured to move into something more serious until the time feels right for you.

---

How have you coped with break-ups in the past? Have you found it difficult? What was the best advice you received?