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24 February 2010
The Right Attitude to Dating
How to Act Around Your Date


Hey everyone, this week I want to give you all a drilling in the basics of having a good attitude. It's appealing, attractive, and surprisingly rare in the world of dating!


When it comes to dating, attitude plays a very important part in your communication process. If you want to come across as a relaxed, confident and happy person, it’s good to make sure you have an attitude that matches the image that you want to create.


Relationships and friendships are, basically, built upon a series of conversations — these build over time to form deeper, better communications and connections between people. If you want to form a meaningful relationship, it's important to check that your attitude is a positive and respectful one while these conversations are taking place.


In the past, many clients that I have worked with have been hurt in previous relationships. Unfortunately, they then take out their frustrations on other potential partners in an attempt to avoid future emotional pain. This, in turn, can cause a chain reaction that turns their dating lives into endless strings of dissatisfaction! Something to be avoided at all costs, I think.


So how can you change this attitude problem?


Well, firstly, you need to recognise what you are thinking when going out on a date. Are you seeing positive images in your head or negative ones before you head out the door? If it's the latter, then stop! Start imagining the date taking place and going well instead. Picture yourself going out and really enjoying yourself, not feeling uptight or frustrated about anything, and just wanting to have a laugh. Your thoughts have a huge influence on your feelings and attitudes, so make sure yours are good ones.


Secondly, when you talk about going out on a date to friends and family, are the words you use positive or are they negative? If negative, then start talking in a more positive way. Focus on things like “Yes, I'm going on a date, and who knows what might happen. I'm really looking forward to it!” Even if you feel a bit silly saying them to other people, be sure to say them to yourself.


Thirdly, avoid expressing negativity. It's everywhere, and can often make you come across as angry or rude. People do it to try and project a cool, sarcastic attitude, but it’s very important to remember that being yourself and not trying to be something you are not DOES WORK. You don't need to try and act 'too cool for school' to impress your date; negativity is just off-putting. Also keep this advice in mind when you're interacting with waiters in a cafe or restaurant — if you're rude or hurtful to the staff, your date isn't going to be impressed, even if you're nice as pie to him or her.


Fourthly, keep the drinking in check, people! I have seen people get so drunk that they become rude and hurtful to their date. They can also get very cheesy and kind of cringe-inducing, and you really don’t want to be described as a cheesy date, do you? If you're going to use chat up lines, don’t have them so injected with sexual innuendo that you make your dates sink crawl right off their back.


So those are my tips to keep in mind when it comes to dating attitudes. If there's anything you think I've missed out on, feel free to elaborate in the comments section!


Posted by helena at 10:04 PM | Link | 2 comments
04 February 2010
What Men and Women Want from Dating
Decoding the dating brain once and for all!
what men women want online dating another friend advice blog relationships

Guys, did you ever wonder why some women are happy one minute and really annoyed the next? Why they say one thing and go and do something completely different? Why there seems to be one rule for them and one rule for you?

Ladies, do you feel the same about guys? Do you find many of them hard to read? Why don’t they just say what they mean and stop wasting time? Why can they just take charge for once?

These questions are the staples of the dating world, and every second magazine seems to claim that they've got the answers: Men like women to be women; really feminine but also independent and strong. Women like men to be men; traditionally masculine, but with a kind and appealing soft side to them. Women love a man who listens, but can also hold his own in a conversation. Men love when women are sexy, but also reserved. Caring but not clingy. Well-dressed but not high-maintenance. These lists go on and on and on, but do they actually provide any help?

I know that I find this repetitive advice incredibly frustrating, so I completely understand if you do too! It's no wonder there are so many single people out there who believe that they'll never be able to find love, since the signals and advice they're receiving are so conflicting. How can anybody be all the things they're "supposed' to be at once?

Well, my answer is: they can't. But that doesn't stop you from making the effort. If you think about it for a moment, your life is full of conflicting roles — at work and at home, with your parents and with your friends, on a night out in the club and in a high-class restaurant. And, to some extent, it's important to consider your role within a relationship in the same way. I'm not telling you to sacrifice important parts of yourself for the sake of someone else's approval — far from it! If they expect you to be something that you're not, they're not worth another moment of your time. What I am suggesting, however, is that it isn't a crime to put in some effort to keep them happy.

There will always be some conflict in your relationship, but it's how you and your partner handle it that will determine its ultimate success or failure. And I think that this is the real answer to the question of what the opposite sex wants; they want someone who will make the effort to understand them, even when doing so seems difficult, or your interests conflict. If you love sports and she doesn't, you need to understand that ranting about your favourite team will bore her to tears. If you love art and he hates it, you can't expect him to jump for joy at the opportunity to visit an exhibition after work. You need to learn where to compromise, and how to fit one another into your lives while still maintaining your individuality. If you expect men to be one way and women another, and for both partners to love every single thing about the other, then you're sabotaging your dating life from the very beginning.



So take a moment, and think about the expectations that you place upon your partner to be the "ideal man" or "ideal woman". Are they unrealistic? How about what they expect from you?
Posted by helena at 2:04 PM | Link | 1 comment