Today, I want to talk to you about a book that really got me thinking about relationships, and how we can make them work for us. The book? The Time of My Life by Patrick Swayze.

As you know, Patrick Swayze made history when he got the leading role in the cult film, Dirty Dancing. The film tells the story of Johnny, a dance teacher, trying to make it big while keeping his morals and integrity intact. Now, as much as I love that film, Swayze's own life story is even more interesting, and what I found really inspiring was how many times he was rejected, broken down and still picked himself back up and tried again. He had passion and drive and knew what he wanted in life. He had a starting point, he knew where he wanted to go. But one thing that kept him focused, even through his long and difficult struggle with alcoholism, was his wife Lisa.

So what is the foundation for this kind of great relationship? What lets some couples make it through the hard times, while others fall apart? Going back to Swayze' character in Dirty Dancing, I think he can teach us a lot. Johnny has a hard time trying to decide whether to follow his heart or his head, but in the end his true values triumph.

And I believe that that's the case for all of us, whether we're aware of it or not. No matter what we do in life, we are driven by our core values. We cannot avoid them, if we push them down, they will come back in full force. Ignore them and they will literally jump in front of you, until you can't pretend you don't see them any more.

When it comes to Relationships, your values are going to dictate whether you live happily ever after or not. Do you ever notice that you always pick the same kind of troublesome guy or girl? They have the same problems and you keep meeting them over and over; you’re like a magnet for disastrous dates or relationships? If so, have you ever though that you might be ignoring what you really want, and instead going for what you think you want, or — even worse — what you think is acceptable?

Your values are such an important part of dating, and knowing what they are is crucial for happiness and success in relationships. You need to identify your own values, and decide what it is that you really want — what you need — from a relationship. I'm going to list some ideas below, so take a look at them and get thinking about your own:

• Health
• Wealth
• Confidence
• Emotional Support
• Conversation
• Adventure
• Trust
• Love
• Commitment
• Creativity
• Fun
• Family
• Friends
• Security

These are by no means all the values that exist, but they're a good start. Have a good, long think about what you value in a relationship, and keep these values in mind when you're looking for a potential partner.

Best of Luck!

Chick Flicks have often been put down as trite, sappy, emotional, clichéd, melodramatic, weepy, and trivial. But I'd like to propose something different — I'm convinced that we can learn a lot from chick flicks when it comes to dating.

Now, I know that might sound a bit ridiculous, but bear with me. Chick Flicks are such a huge part of the film industry these days, so I don't think their influence can be discounted. We must see something in them, right? Well, I think that 'something' is a valuable insight into what we want from dating and relationships.

Of course I'm aware that the plots of most Chick Flicks are exaggerated and over-simplified in a lot of ways, so why am I suggesting that we use them as a guide for our own lives?

Well, you'll agree that, for the most part, a Chick Flick's main goal is to balance humour, romance, and relationship issues. The balance may not always be believable, but they technique they've used is an excellent one — by maintaining a balance, and making sure that problems don't outweigh humour, they make sure that the film as a whole is an enjoyable experience. So what I'm suggesting is that we all take the same approach. Make every effort to make sure that you don't let the bad parts of your life take over the good parts. It won't work for every situation, I know, but for most people's day-to-day life, it's a good attitude to have; a positive attitude can make a huge difference to the way your day plays out.

So how do we apply this to dating? Well, I want you to think of a Chick Flick that exemplifies your idea of the perfect date / relationship. (Preferably, pick one that's close enough to your reality to be a possibility.) What is it that you like about the film? What tone does it take? Is it funny? Romantic? Serious? A mixture of all those things? Or something completely different?

The next time you go out on a date, I want you to remember that film, and model your own behaviour on it. Try to act as though you were a character in that film, and create a similar atmosphere for your own date. With any luck, it'll help to bring your dream date that little bit more of a reality!

Choosing a character to model yourself on in circumstances like this is called the 'archetype' technique, and it's a fantastic way to build your confidence and have some fun. I use archetypes all the time, myself — my favourite being Monica from Friends, who helps me get the housework done! (Maybe not the best archetype when it comes to dating, though...)

Best of luck with your next date!

We all have our own idea of what a Dream Date would be, and they all vary wildly. Do you go for tall, dark and handsome? Short, blonde and bubbly? Quiet, mysterious and clever? There are as many different concepts of the 'perfect person' as there are different people in the world, and that's a huge part of what makes dating incredibly fun and incredibly frustrating at the same time. While it's great to get out there and socialise, it can also start to feel a bit hopeless when you seem to keep attracting the wrong kind of person.

So this week, I want to talk about strategies for helping you attract your ideal match. Yes, really, there are plenty of things that you can do to give yourself a better chance with the man or woman of your dreams — there's no need to just sit around hoping they'll notice you any more!

First of all, I want you to think about the kind of person you'd define as your Dream Date. Would you like someone funny? Someone tall? Someone successful? Someone outgoing? Someone quiet? What characteristics make you want to date someone? If you had to describe your dream man or women in five sentences, what would they be?

Yes, that's all very well, you say. I want Johnny Depp's head on Eric Bana's body, with a doctor's brain thrown into the mix. Or Keira Knightley's head on Jessica Alba's body, and she should want to go for twenty-mile hikes every weekend. That bit was easy. But how do I get someone like that to notice me?

Well, did you ever hear the saying 'like attracts like'? It's very relevant here. Imagine the kind of person that your Dream Date would go for. What do you think they'd be like? Do you fit their match? If your answer is, 'Oh wow, yes!' then great, go for it. There's nothing stopping you! However, if your answer is, 'I don't know...' or even 'Absolutely, positively, certainly not!' then don't worry. Seriously. There are plenty of steps that you can take to make yourself more like your Dream Date's Dream Date! Take a look at my tips below:

1: Be Interesting.
Get yourself interested in things. When I say things, I mean reading, films, music, hobbies. The more activities you do the more interesting you become, and the more you'll have in common with other interesting people. If your Dream Date is clever, they'll probably prefer the company of clever people. If they're really into art, it makes sense that they'd like to spend time with someone who also does. There's no point in saying, "I want to date a novelist who paints portraits in their spare time," if you never read books and don't know a paintbrush from a toothbrush. People like to share interests, so by developing your own you'll become a lot more attractive to people who do the same.

2: Take Care of Your Appearance.
It is important to keep yourself presentable, and I've talked about the benefits of looking good for dates before. You don’t have to be catwalk model material, but it’s good to have as many advantages as you can when it comes to trying to impress your Dream Date. Looking after yourself involves just a few simple steps, which you probably hear every day — it's commonplace advice, but it's important to heed it. Eat well, sleep well, take light exercise, get some presentable clothes for your date night. See? Simple. You don’t have to have a complete makeover, but it is good to make sure you're looking after yourself properly. A healthy body is the sign of a healthy mind, after all.

3: Master Your Social Skills
Good communication is one of the greatest skills you can develop — it will help make a great first impression, let you flirt comfortably, and generally improve your relationships with other people. If you want to know my secrets for successful communication, take a look at How to Communicate With Appeal. The clearer you are when you are talking, the more attractive you'll be to others — it even improves your appearance, since your well-spoken voice will compliment any effort that you've put into your clothes and hair. Projecting this kind of image will generally make you more attractive to everybody, and will give you even more of a chance at snagging your dream date!

Meeting the right kind of person can be fun, simple and easy. It’s just a matter of keeping yourself open to the right kind of experiences and taking the opportunity to develop yourself personally. And if you're not seeing instant improvements in your love life, don't fret — change and growth are always good things, even outside of a dating context. Remember the definition of madness: 'doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result.' So go do and something different for a change! You won't regret it.

Until next week!

Hey everyone, this week I want to give you all a drilling in the basics of having a good attitude. It's appealing, attractive, and surprisingly rare in the world of dating!

When it comes to dating, attitude plays a very important part in your communication process. If you want to come across as a relaxed, confident and happy person, it’s good to make sure you have an attitude that matches the image that you want to create.

Relationships and friendships are, basically, built upon a series of conversations — these build over time to form deeper, better communications and connections between people. If you want to form a meaningful relationship, it's important to check that your attitude is a positive and respectful one while these conversations are taking place.

In the past, many clients that I have worked with have been hurt in previous relationships. Unfortunately, they then take out their frustrations on other potential partners in an attempt to avoid future emotional pain. This, in turn, can cause a chain reaction that turns their dating lives into endless strings of dissatisfaction! Something to be avoided at all costs, I think.

So how can you change this attitude problem?

Well, firstly, you need to recognise what you are thinking when going out on a date. Are you seeing positive images in your head or negative ones before you head out the door? If it's the latter, then stop! Start imagining the date taking place and going well instead. Picture yourself going out and really enjoying yourself, not feeling uptight or frustrated about anything, and just wanting to have a laugh. Your thoughts have a huge influence on your feelings and attitudes, so make sure yours are good ones.

Secondly, when you talk about going out on a date to friends and family, are the words you use positive or are they negative? If negative, then start talking in a more positive way. Focus on things like “Yes, I'm going on a date, and who knows what might happen. I'm really looking forward to it!” Even if you feel a bit silly saying them to other people, be sure to say them to yourself.

Thirdly, avoid expressing negativity. It's everywhere, and can often make you come across as angry or rude. People do it to try and project a cool, sarcastic attitude, but it’s very important to remember that being yourself and not trying to be something you are not DOES WORK. You don't need to try and act 'too cool for school' to impress your date; negativity is just off-putting. Also keep this advice in mind when you're interacting with waiters in a cafe or restaurant — if you're rude or hurtful to the staff, your date isn't going to be impressed, even if you're nice as pie to him or her.

Fourthly, keep the drinking in check, people! I have seen people get so drunk that they become rude and hurtful to their date. They can also get very cheesy and kind of cringe-inducing, and you really don’t want to be described as a cheesy date, do you? If you're going to use chat up lines, don’t have them so injected with sexual innuendo that you make your dates sink crawl right off their back.

So those are my tips to keep in mind when it comes to dating attitudes. If there's anything you think I've missed out on, feel free to elaborate in the comments section!

Guys, did you ever wonder why some women are happy one minute and really annoyed the next? Why they say one thing and go and do something completely different? Why there seems to be one rule for them and one rule for you?

Ladies, do you feel the same about guys? Do you find many of them hard to read? Why don’t they just say what they mean and stop wasting time? Why can they just take charge for once?

These questions are the staples of the dating world, and every second magazine seems to claim that they've got the answers: Men like women to be women; really feminine but also independent and strong. Women like men to be men; traditionally masculine, but with a kind and appealing soft side to them. Women love a man who listens, but can also hold his own in a conversation. Men love when women are sexy, but also reserved. Caring but not clingy. Well-dressed but not high-maintenance. These lists go on and on and on, but do they actually provide any help?

I know that I find this repetitive advice incredibly frustrating, so I completely understand if you do too! It's no wonder there are so many single people out there who believe that they'll never be able to find love, since the signals and advice they're receiving are so conflicting. How can anybody be all the things they're "supposed' to be at once?

Well, my answer is: they can't. But that doesn't stop you from making the effort. If you think about it for a moment, your life is full of conflicting roles — at work and at home, with your parents and with your friends, on a night out in the club and in a high-class restaurant. And, to some extent, it's important to consider your role within a relationship in the same way. I'm not telling you to sacrifice important parts of yourself for the sake of someone else's approval — far from it! If they expect you to be something that you're not, they're not worth another moment of your time. What I am suggesting, however, is that it isn't a crime to put in some effort to keep them happy.

There will always be some conflict in your relationship, but it's how you and your partner handle it that will determine its ultimate success or failure. And I think that this is the real answer to the question of what the opposite sex wants; they want someone who will make the effort to understand them, even when doing so seems difficult, or your interests conflict. If you love sports and she doesn't, you need to understand that ranting about your favourite team will bore her to tears. If you love art and he hates it, you can't expect him to jump for joy at the opportunity to visit an exhibition after work. You need to learn where to compromise, and how to fit one another into your lives while still maintaining your individuality. If you expect men to be one way and women another, and for both partners to love every single thing about the other, then you're sabotaging your dating life from the very beginning.

---

So take a moment, and think about the expectations that you place upon your partner to be the "ideal man" or "ideal woman". Are they unrealistic? How about what they expect from you?

A break-up can be a painful experience, and getting over a relationship always takes time; that's a perfectly natural part of the process. The period after a break-up is a time to come to terms with your loss, so that you can move on to a brighter day. And part of that brighter day will involve dating again.

---

One important thing to remember is that the best way to learn from your old relationship is to try and achieve some emotional distance. So spend some time contemplating your past experience, as coming to terms with it will help you move on to an even better, happier relationship in the future. Consider questions such as:

• Where were the main issues that lead to your break-up?
  
• Were the problems rooted in communication, sex, finances, personal connections or fun? Or something else entirely?
  
• What could you have done better?
  
• Did you make some compromises that, in hindsight, were ill-advised?
  
• What have you learned from the relationship?
  
• What are you going to do in the future to give your next relationship? 

Answering these questions can bring a lot of issues to the front of your mind — some of which you may not have considered in the past. Try to answer them honestly and thoughtfully, and they should help you to understand more clearly the reasons that the relationship didn't work.


When you feel ready to return to the world of dating after a break-up, keep these guidelines in mind to get you on the right track, and to help you stay in the right mindset.

1: Start Living in the Present.  
This means consciously developing an awareness of what is going on around you and what you need to do to put yourself back together again. Rather than spending your days your days wallowing in miserable thoughts like, "What if I die alone?" or, "Every day I have lived so far is a lie,"  get yourself off the couch, ring a friend and make some plans. It doesn't matter what you decide to do — it just has to be something that will get you involved in something other than sadness. Your plans could be as big as decorating the house, or as small as doing the dishes. Just get yourself up and moving every day, basically.

2: Axe the Killer cConversations. 
Don’t get involved in man- or woman-hating conversations. You know the kind I'm talking about; "Men are all pigs!" or "Women have no hearts!" These conversations will only lead to you feeling worse, and can also build up a lot of negative or even aggressive energy — which isn't good for your physically or emotionally. Remember that when breaking up with someone, you will go through many different stages, and your emotions play a big part in these. Emotions — even the ones which don't feel so great — are good for us. They tell us if something isn't quite right, and give us warning signals when change is on the way. But it's important to keep a rational grip on your feelings at the same time. It's fine to let your emotions out, but try not to let them rule your life for too long.

3: Be Kind to Yourself.
When moving on with your life and thinking about getting back into the dating game, take it easy. Make small attempts, and take baby steps at first. Don’t try to run before you can walk. Plan nice evenings out with your friends — maybe go to the cinema, then get some drinks and dinner. Whatever feels good for you. Give yourself a mini-makeover before you go out, too, if you think that might help you to feel better. And since you can't be going on social outings all of the time, you might consider taking up a new hobby. You've probably got some extra time on your hands now, and maybe you aren't sure how to fill it, so building a new skill — or developing one you already have — is a really productive way to get yourself into a new routine. But no matter what you decide to do, do it because you want to and it feels good. A bit of self-love and kindness goes a long way towards the healing process, so don't fling yourself back into the dating world until you're read.

---

If you've recently joined www.anotherfriend.com but still feel like you haven't quite recovered from your past relationship, don't worry. It's fine. There are plenty of other people in your position feeling the very same way. My advice to you would be to keep your dates and chats casual, lighthearted, and friendly for the time being — don't ever feel pressured to move into something more serious until the time feels right for you.

---

How have you coped with break-ups in the past? Have you found it difficult? What was the best advice you received?

As a member of AnotherFriend.com, you're already aware that you're part of a thriving community of Irish singles. But if you're a Premium Member, are you making the most of your interactions with that community? Are you aware of all the online dating tools and resources at your fingertips? And if you're aware of them, are you using them to improve your online romances?

We know that all the features can get a bit confusing, so we've put together a handy guide to our Premium online dating services. If you see a feature you're never tried before, go ahead and give it a go! You'll never know what you might be missing otherwise.

---

Singles' Events
Singles' events are a great way to turn online dating into real life dating. As Ireland's largest online dating site, we've got over 390,000 members, so these events are definitely not to be missed! Bring a friend along, have a good laugh, meet some new people, and have a whole lot of fun.
Where can you find out about these events? Check the Events Board at the bottom of your homepage for details of times, dates, and venues.

Message Board
Our message board is a great way to keep up to date with the AnotherFriend.com community, since you can use it to talk with other members in a public forum. It's also a place for us to keep you updated on exciting new things we're planning for the site, so keep an eye out! The best way to stay in touch with the day-to-day life of AnotherFriend.com is to check the message board each time you log in, and getting involved with it can really help you feel like part of our online singles community.

Instant Messaging
This is a great way to start building rapport with other Premium Members, since you can chat to them quickly and confidently. It takes all the terror out of face-to-face conversations, and lets you become more and more comfortable communicating with other members who are of interest of you. Be sure you try out this tool if you haven't already; it's really fantastic fun, and an excellent way of getting to know other single Irish men or women.

Chatroom
Chatrooms are another great way of getting to know different people, especially if you like chatting in a group. You can see what members are talking about, and if it's of interest to you then you can join in yourself. Who knows what sort of interesting people you could meet! It's all about putting yourself out there and taking a chance — and what better place to do so than in the safe, controlled environment offered to you as a member of AnotherFriend.com?

Advanced Search
This is definitely my favourite tool, no questions about it! With Advanced Search, you can type in exactly
what you are looking for in a potential partner. You're no longer restricted to searching by gender or location — you can now refine your search down to small details like height, education, and eye colour. This is great, and can really help you narrow down your search for the perfect man or woman! Definitely give this one a go if you haven't tried it before.

---

As times goes on, online dating is becoming more and more popular as the modern way to date. We believe that it's now safer to meet someone online than it is in a pub, since our site gives you the chance to get to know them — and to have a good sense of their character — before you meet in real life. As a Premium Member, you've got access to all the best features that the online dating world has to offer, so make sure you take advantage of them! Put yourself out there, start interacting with other men and women using all of our different tools, and above all have fun while looking for that someone special.

---

What's your favourite tool on AnotherFriend.com? Are there any different features you'd like to see? Let us know in the comments!

Finding the right kind of person for you is often the simplest part of the whole relationship process. Keeping the relationship interesting enough to make you both want to stick around is the tough part.

Relationships all go through a so-called 'honeymoon period', during which everything seems impossibly wonderful. Your partner has no flaws, there's no friction between you, and the days just seem to go by in a haze of perfection. The length of this period differs from couple to couple, with some saying that it ended after three weeks, some saying six months, and others over a year.

However long this honeymoon period may last, though, the truth is that it always comes to an end. Now, this isn't necessarily a bad thing - many relationships do just fizzle out after the initial chemistry wears off, since there isn't enough of a connection between both partners to sustain it.

But if you feel like you want to stick things out for the long run, here a few guidelines that you can follow to keep your relationship interesting and enjoyable.

---

1. Maintain the Mystery
Your partner didn't know much about you when you first met. Your past, your work friends and acquaintances, your exes, and everything else about your life was a complete mystery. So, if your relationship is still in the early stages, it's a wise move not to reveal every single detail of your life straight away. Keep an air of mystery about you - it's very alluring. That's obviously not to say that you shouldn't tell your partner anything about yourself (your relationship won't get far if you never say a word!), but just keep in mind that a slow trickle of information is much more interesting than one big, overwhelming wave of it. We all love a good mystery!

2. Make the Effort with Your Appearance
Try to stay as attractive as you where when you first met. Appearances aren't everything, and your partner should value you for more than just the way you look, but physical attraction is nonetheless a big part of any relationship. Don’t take a lazy attitude to your appearance just because you're in a settled relationship - keep making an effort to look your best, whatever that may mean for you. Remember: when you look great, you feel great!

3. Declare Independence
Yes, you're in a relationship. No, you haven't magically merged into one single person. It's important to keep some aspects of your life seperate from one another, and to maintain your own personal space. Keep up your hobbies by yourself - attend dance classes, write your novel, go jogging, play videogames, whatever appeals to you. Just set some time aside to do it on your own. The same goes for friends - not every outing has to include the two of you, and it can often be very relaxing to socialise without your partner. Having independent lives helps to sustain that air of personal mystery that I talked about earlier, and independence is always an attractive quality in its own right. Who likes a clingy boyfriend or girlfriend?

4. Keep it Creative
Keep that romantic, creative spark going. It's easy to settle into a routine in a long-term relationship, and while that brings a certain sense of contentment to many couples, it can also start to get a bit boring and monotonous at times. So make the effort to inject new concepts and plans into your date life. They don't have to be of epic proportion, just do something a little different to keep things interesting. Take her for a surprise picnic, randomly pay for his dinner in a restaurant, plan an entire day spent under the duvet covers... Think outside the box when it comes to planning how you are going to be spending time with your date. Basically, spring surprises just for the sake of it!

---

How have you coped with the end of the honeymoon period in the past? Have you any more tips you'd like to share with us?

We all suffer from those first date nerves. But don't worry, they're not always a bad thing; on the contrary, the great thing about nerves is that they let you know that something is important to you. And being excited and enthusiastic about a first date - even if you're incredibly nervous at the same time - is the first step to making a great connection with another person.
Although nerves aren't necessarily bad for your love life, I do appreciate that they can be a bit annoying, especially if they get the best of your social skills over the course of an evening. So I offer you the two best tips that I know of for overcoming them: Be Yourself and Don't Try Too Hard.

---

Be Yourself

---

Don't try too hard to impress your date; it's actually a bit of a turn-off for many people. Don't rehearse conversations over and over in your head, or over-embellish stories about your life, or blather on and on and on in a blind panic. Instead, focus on being a good listener. Stay positive, and focus on shared experiences.

How can you have any shared experiences to talk about on a first date, you ask? Easy - make them happen. Going to a movie is probably the easiest way to do this, and it's something that just about everyone enjoys. There's a reason that cinema dates are a cliche, you know. Try to pick something you'll both enjoy  - or at least something you'll both hate! Anything you can bond over, really. If he hates fantasy, don't make him sit through hours of elves, trolls, or epic battles. If she despises thrillers, don't drag her to the latest Matt Damon flick. Try to find a compromise - Drama is often your best bet. After the movie is over, go for a drink somewhere and have a chat about your favourite bits, least favourite bits, other films you've seen recently and loved/hated... Sounds easy, right? It really is!

Of course, that's not to say that you shouldn't try at all. Check out the rest of the blog for some tips on making a good impression on the first date, and lots of other handy advice!

---

How do you feel about first dates? Do they panic you? Fluster you? Or do they bring out the smooth, suave, sweet-talking side of you?

Christmas is just around the corner! How great is that? Even if you're single, it's such a great time of the year. And 2010 is just around the corner! And with the New Year comes so many new possibilities and opportunities, so exciting times are just ahead!

In that spirit, let's bust some of my least favourite myths about single people and Christmas.

---

Myth 1: Single people are lonely at Christmas:

Ok, so this statement is full of nothing but lies and conjecture! Being single at Christmas can so much fun, so long as you're willing to believe it and take some action.

How do single people make Christmas fun? By going out there and meeting new people who are also single. But where? There's always the pub or the club, but the easiest and best place to go (especially in this horrible, cold weather!) is online. At www.anotherfriend.com you can log on at any time and meet lots of people who are also looking to meet like-minded people just like you. And since you have so much choice, with over 300,000 singles online and the number rising every day, an interesting conversation is always just an e-mail away.

---

Myth 2: Single people don't know what to do for the Christmas Holidays

No way, I can't believe people actually believe this! You have to laugh when you hear someone make a statement like this.

Plan your Christmas, and there'll be no problems at all! Realistically, there are 3 days for Christmas: Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Stephen's Day. After that everyone pretty much does their own thing.  

Christmas Eve is usually taken up with work, Christmas shopping, spending time with family or catching up with friends. Do make sure to plan something to do this day. Keep yourself busy; that's the number one rule!

Christmas day is always family focused. Really enjoy your day with your family - become the life and soul of Christmas Day. Catch up with your mum and dad, brothers and sister, nieces and nephews, aunts and uncles!

Stephen's Day is another family-focused day where everyone gets together! If you want to steer clear of the dreaded "Why are you single?" conversation, ask the person you are talking to lots of questions about themselves instead! Everyone loves to talk about themselves, and it will take the heat off you. Otherwise, hit the sales. Guys and girls, this is a great time to revamp your wardrobes at a much cheaper price than usual.

---

Myth 3: Single people have nowhere to go for the holidays.

Nowhere to go! The choice is endless, you could go to New York, London, Paris, Munich, Prague the choices are endless. The holidays are what you are going to make them. So plan them. What would you like to do? What would you like to see? There are great places in Ireland to visit as well - Giant's Gauseway, the Ring of Kerry, the Book of Kells, and so and so on. Be imaginative, research people places and things to go.

 

---

Christmas is a time for fun and loved ones. Remember, this could be your very, very, very, very, very, very last single Christmas ever, so enjoy! Christmas will be what you make it, so make it great.

 

---

What are/were your plans for Christmas? Did they work out for you? What would you do differently next year?

People are quick to judge other people, and they decide on their first impressions very fast. Too fast, maybe. And this is doubly true when they're assessing someone they're thinking of dating!

 

Whether it's a good thing or a bad thing, the first thing we notice when we meet someone for the first time is how they look. You can actually tell a lot about somebody from their appearances, you know. Are they scruffy and unwashed? Neat and trouser-pressed? Wearing a nerdy t-shirt or a sporty one? Do they wear lots of makeup or just a little? Is their hair cropped and conservative or wild and outlandishly-coloured? Does their sense of style fit with your own? Some of these are small things, but initial impressions depend a lot on the details.

Whether it's instinct, or something that society has taught us, this kind of attitude isn't without its problems. I mean, if someone is overweight, should we judge them and call them lazy? Nope, I think not. So, at the other end of that scale, why should we presume that someone who's a dead ringer for Brad Pitt is the kindest, most loving, honest and loyal person in the world? The obvious answer: we shouldn't! But the truth is, everyone engages in this kind of behaviour to some degree - it's often hard not to pick film-star looks over average ones, the freshly-washed girl over the one wearing the week-old t-shirt, or the guy who looks like he's actually glanced in the mirror before he left the house over the one wearing two mis-matched shoes.

So the fact remains - appearances matter. They may not always represent who we are on the inside, but they do play a huge part in making a good first impression. This is even more important in the world of online dating, I think; since you've already had the chance to prove your great personality through messaging and chatting, now you've got to back that up with your physical presence.

 

---

Four Top Reasons for Dressing to Impress on the First Date!

 

1: Today, the style of dressing for a date is definitely more laid back. Don’t take that as an invitation to show up in a hoodie and many traines, though! I always feel that being subtly sexy is a sure-fire way to show your date that you take pride in how you look. Guys: wear a well-fitted shirt and a nice jumper or jacket with your jeans. Gals: follow suit with your favourite jeans and blouse, or slip into the most fabulous dress you've got!

 

2: You have high standards and  you want your date to know that. The reason you want to dress to impress your date — aside from appeal — is that you want to show that you care. If you can't look after yourself, they're not going to think you're capable of being responsible for another person as well.

 

3: You want to let them know that the date was important to you, so put some time and effort into looking good for the occasion. If you took some time to choose an outfit, you're showing that the date is something special to you, and not just a way to kill some time.

 

4: Most importantly for yourself, we all know when we are dressed great we feel great! And if you're at your personal best, your first impressions will follow suit.

 

---

Eight Tips for Looking Good on the First Date!

 

1.    Dress attractively but comfortably. Don't wear clothes that make you feel stiff or self-conscious - now's probably not the time to break out the bow ties or killer heels (unless they happen to be what you're comfortable in, of course!)

 

2. Be aware of your posture - it speaks volumes about you. You want to appear alert and confident by sitting up straight, and not slouching sullenly over your drink or meal.

 

3. Compliment your date. Not just with throwaway niceties like, 'I like your shirt'. Be sincere, and make an effort to notice something that he or she took time with. You just might get the favour returned!

 

4. Learn to flirt. Don't overdo it, though - coming on too strong is annoying at best, and downright creepy at worst.

 

5. Realize that you don't have to tell people how great you are - nobody like a boaster. It's better to show them instead, and if you've followed all my tips so far, you're probably looking pretty good!

 

6. Be interested and interesting. Listen actively to what your date says, and ask questions that show you're doing just that. Don't interrupt, though, as that's just plain rude.

 

7. Decide that you're going to enjoy yourself, no matter what. You may feel nervous and insecure, but letting that control the date just isn't going to end well. If you're easygoing, having a bit of fun, and willing to be spontaneous (even just a little bit), you can't help but make a great impression.

 

8. Always, always, always thank the other person for the date. Always. Got it? Good manners will get you everywhere, and there's a serious dearth of them in the dating world these days.

 

---

Got all that? Good! You should be well on your way to making a great first impression on your date. And hopefully they're doing the same for you. Just beware of judging too fast - they could be looking just as harshly at you!

 

 

---

What about you? What's the first thing you notice about someone else? Anything you wish you'd done to make a better first impression in the past?

This week I've been thinking about communication, and some of the difficulties it causes people in the world of online dating.

Did you know that, when communicating with someone, only 7% of what we actually say is verbal? I kid you not; the rest is all to do with tone and body language. So, obviously, trying to chat online turns this all a bit topsy-turvy, and that can be where online dating begins to get people get a bit confused and flustered.

But never fear! In order to take some of the mystery and the fear out of it once and for all, I'm going to give you a few tips to help you talk to people and express yourself as clearly (and sexily) as possible online. Read on for some great ideas that you can use to become more effective in your online communication.

 

---

1. Improve your online matches by being clear about what you want.

Do you keep getting messages from people you have absolutely nothing in common with? People you couldn't talk to for five minutes in person? The first step to improving your online communication is to start communicating with the right people, and you can help to draw the right people to you by letting them know exactly what you're looking for in your online dating profile.

And that means that YOU need to know exactly what you're looking for. Take a few minutes to consider the values that are most important to you in a potential partner. Do you want someone to party with, or someone to stay in with? Someone who shares your drive to succeed, or someone to chill out with? Someone who'll come to the gym with you, or someone who'll eat lots of dinners (and desserts!) with you?

Have at least two values that are important to you, note them in your profile, and don’t comprise on them. Don't be afraid to let people know that you're looking for someone honest and driven, or fun and well-mannered. If you put this information out there from the beginning, you're less likely to get messages from people you just don't click with, and therefore less likely to have to engage in awkward, futile conversation!

---

2. R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

It's amazing how much people change when communicating through the internet. Give people the opportunity to be anonymous, and manners and respectability often just fly out the door!

So be polite, be respectful, be considerate. For example, if you're messaging someone and decide that, actually, you're not really interested any more, don't just 'fall off the face of the earth'. Send them a short and respectful note letting them know that you're pursuing some other matches and wish them the best of luck. You might think it's a waste of time, but put yourself in their shoes for a moment. Or remember a time when someone you were interested just up and disappeared. A little kindness goes a long way.

 

Hold yourself to the same standards online as you would in real life, and other people will be much more eager to talk to you. Nobody likes rudeness or ignorance!

---

3. Take the time to find out about other people.

One of the keys to good communication is talking about something that interests the other person. You can get a get a pretty clear picture of someone's interests by carefully reading their profile and by taking a closer look at the pictures they've posted. Do they mention reading a lot? Are half of their pictures taken on a football pitch? Did they dress up as their favourite film character last Halloween?

Just take a few minutes to notice these things, and you'll have yourself some great conversation fodder. Drop this information into the conversation in a subtle way, and you will make the other person feel great about themselves. It shows you are interested in them and that you're taking the time to learn as much as you can about them.

---

4. Leave the past in the past!

When having conversations online, it's best to keep your conversation bright and cheerful, since this will definitely make the best first impression. Talk about positive things that you're doing, or that you're going to do. Keep your conversation mostly in the future tense; nobody wants to hear about your last breakup or your awful ex.

If you bond a bit more with someone, then you can talk about more serious things, but keep things light and easy at first - it makes communication much easier.

---

5. Make it easy to make the first move.

There are so, so many ways to approach a person, that sometimes it can be difficult to know where to start. At AnotherFriend.com, you can Wink, Instant Message or do a Video Chat, all of which are great fun once you get started, but... where to start??? Since there are so many ways to express an interest in others, it could help if you let others know what the best way to start talking to you is. A simple sentence in your profile is all it takes! Maybe, "Interested? Just Wink!" or "If you'd like to get to know me better, send me a quick message, don't be shy!"

 

Making yourself approachable takes the terror out of making the first move, and will make people much more eager to get talking to you.

---

How do you feel about your own online communication? Do you find it difficult? Easier than talking to people in person? I'd love to hear your opinions, so leave a comment and let me know!